Insomnia

My  sleepy awake eyes  stare at the time. 2am. Sigh and turn over. Lie there.  Counting.  Thinking. Trying to not think.      I calculate the remaining hours until getting up time   and try to will myself  to sleep.  It doesn’t work and I give up.   Turn on the light. Start re-reading the novel I just finished. 2.30am.  Try again.  Whirring stillness in my mind  like a laptop fan or the background hum of an office striplight.  I watch the shifting kaleidescopic patterns that flash across the darkness behind my closed eyes. Pull an eyemask on  to block it all out but my quiet mind shouts louder.    3am. Eyemask off I stare at the shadows across my room from the streetlight outside. A car passes.  Too tired to read but too tired to shut my eyes agan.  I   try   to   empty    my   mind   but   it   floods   with   things   that   need   doing.   Things that are worrying me.   Try to relax my body, from toe to top.  Feeling  each  muscle   tense    then  unwind. Turn over.    4am. It almost seems  to   be  getting light already. The first birds singing. My eyes are heavy with the sleep that won’t come and I wish that I could use this time productively.    Finally   drift off   into semi-consciousness. Not   fully  asleep but  starting  to   dream.  And suddenly there is danger and panic and there is a noise that is stressing me. With a jolt, I realise that it is my alarm and that it is morning  and that I must have slept.

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